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New Horizon Coaching Network provides you with direction, guidance, and
support in an ongoing partnership and dialogue through discussion groups, teaching curriculums, discussion forums and biblical studies that are designed to help you produce fulfilling
results in your personal, professional and spiritual life in one to one or group settings.
NHCN is purposed to help you improve your performance and enhance your quality of life as you find yourself in a powerful method for emotional and spiritual-change: through the power of human relationship. 
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Free Music - 49 days ago, 0 comments
Free Music
Listen to the music YOU like when near a computer or even on the
go (through your iPhone or Blackberry). These free music sites use "inspiration
music" you've entered to find similar tunes that you're sure to jam to all day
long:
* Blip.FM
* Last.FM
* Pandora Radio
* Slacker.com
Free TV and Movie Content - 49 days ago, 0 comments
Free TV and Movie Content
Axe the cable bill and get your favorite TV shows
(plus movies too!) with just a click of your mouse:
* Hulu.com
* Joost.com
Free Video Conferencing - 49 days ago, 0 comments
Free Video Conferencing
It's all the rage with long-distance grannies who
don't want to miss important moments in their grandchildren's lives and small
business owners who need to communicate coast-to-coast on a shoe-string budget.
When ear-to-ear isn't enough, get on your computer and enjoy free video
conferencing with these truly free services:
* OoVoo.com : Free video
conferencing (ad-supported).
* Skype.com
: Free PC-to-PC calls with Skype's
free software.
Free Graphic Design Stuff - 49 days ago, 0 comments
Free Graphic Design Stuff
Whether you like to doodle or dabble in the
graphic arts, here are some free resources to help you in your pursuits:
* dafont.com : Free fonts.
* Iconspedia : Free icons.
* Photoshop
: A free online version of Photoshop with some cool extras to
organize, edit or enhance images.
Free Games - 49 days ago, 0 comments
Free Games
If you can't afford to shell out a few hundred bucks for the
newest game system and accessories, go the way of free online games:
* Newgrounds.com
* Pogo
* Yahoo! Games
what are you Grateful for Today? - 11 months ago, 23 comments
Too often in our daily walk, we get so caught up in the worries of the day, that we forget all that God is doing for us. So I invite you to try this on every day for the next 21 days. They say It takes 21 days of consecutive activity before something can become a habit. Let's make being a Grateful a habit in our lives. Today, I'm grateful that God used me as a vessel to deliver this message. Here's hoping that it touches someones's heart and enriches their soul.
NHCN Newsletter Project - 5 months ago, 15 comments
As promised, here's the place to voice your opinions bring forth inquiries address any issue or volunteer to help with regards the production of the newsletter. Your feedback is greatly appreciated!
Idea Exchange: Coaches' Conference Tour - over a year ago, 13 comments
Facilitators, this posting is a place that we can share our ideas regarding the vision of our conference tour as discussed on last night's call! The ideas that we all shared are invaluable. Please, post your ideas as a response to this post so that yours may be taken into consideration! The energy of last night's call was phenomenal! Let's keep that energy throughout the duration of this project and begin with collaborating here! Feel free to post your ideas for activities, locations, whatever your heart desires your mind to share! Remember: This is a secure platform. Only the facilitators of this community have access to this message board. Happy Brainstorming!
Career and Business discussion - over a year ago, 12 comments
This week's Career and Business conference call was a blessing. I was reading "God's Big Idea" by Myles Munroe, and the Lord revealed a principle to me. It is this: We come up with an idea and ask God to bless it, when God wants us to understand and carry out His plans and ideas, not our own. I am interested in your thoughts on this.
Is Submission In Marriage More Celebrated or Tolerated? - 12 months ago, 11 comments
Ephesians 5:22 declares: Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. Submit is to give over or yield to the power or authority of another (often used reflexively). Do women really accept their husband's leadership and authority? (THIS IS A INTERACTIVE FORUM)
Only Out of Love
- 6 hours ago
PassageTitus 1:11-14PrayerDear Father,Help me never to teach or serve in your kingdom for selfish gain. May I live and do good out of pure love for you.Help me to stay away from stupid myths, concocted by human imagination, and follow only the truth that comes from you.Help me to be frugal in my approach to life. Save me from overindulgence of every kind.In the holy name of Christ Jesus I ask it.
Furthering the Faith
- 30 hours ago
PassageTitus 1:1-9PrayerDear Father, the God who never lies,Grant that my life will further the faith of your chosen people and increase their knowledge of the truth that accords with godliness, in hope of eternal life which you promised ages ago and at the proper time manifested through the preaching of your word. May the leaders of your people be blameless, good stewards of the responsibility wh
An Everlasting Kingdom
- 2 days ago
Passage2 Timothy 4:9-22PrayerDear Father,Help me not to be in love with this present world. Enable me to live for the sake of your everlasting kingdom.Help me come to the defense of those who are attacked wrongly or who need defending for your sake.Stand by us, dear God, and give us the strength to live for you and to proclaim your word fully, as it deserves.Rescue us from the lion's mouth. Rescue
We Get to Play Baseball
- 52 days ago
"Brooks, you know what we get to do today? We get to play baseball!"
Those are the words that Jim Morris, The Rookie, delivers at the turning point of his story. After being on the road with his minor league team for a couple of months, he reaches his low point. He's tired. He's discouraged. He calls his wife to tell her he is coming home. During the conversation she tells him to make sure it is
Perfect!?
- 2 months ago
For by one sacrifice he has made perfect forever those who are being made holy (Hebrews 10:14 TNIV).
It's happened 20 times in history. But it should be 21.
"It" is a perfect game in Major League Baseball. Since June 12, 1880, when Lee Richmond of the Worcester Ruby Legs retired all 27 Cleveland Blues batters without any of them reaching base (on a hit, walk, hit batsman, error, or for any ot
Silence
- 3 months ago
My wife knows more than anyone else that I often like to hike being as quiet as possible. I travel slowly and softly, looking and listening at the silence around me. I enjoy examining the subtleties of nature. I am always hoping to find something that's a little more than obvious, like an elk or moose. But all too often they hide quite well in the stillness of the forest and all that I am left wit
Number of members
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VISION
To assist and inspire the individuals to live life without regrets; to fulfill their greatest possibilities; conquer their most challenging obstacles, and to live life intentionally and on purpose with the awareness that they are able to release the fundamental qualities which lies in the heart of the individual. MISSION The Mission of New Horizon Coaching Network is to: EQUIP- furnish an environment in which you are held accountable to yourself as your progress is monitored towards reaching and/or exceeding your expected goal. ENRICH- enhance your mind, mood, and outlook towards the expectations and choices, you have and make in life, according to the valuable possessions embraced within the sincerity of your heart. EDUCATE- help you to discover what control you have in the process of change, as you learn it is by your own actions, and that you are responsible for your achievements and outcome. EDIFY- inform and encourage you of the strengths, providing you with and unbiased perspective and observation of your personal aspects. EMPOWER- show you that you have the ability to implement a plan of action that includes all of the steps necessary to achieve the goals that you set to accomplish. Contact Glyniel Garner for your free coaching session New Horizon Coaching Network in partnership with New Life Coach Inc., is opening its doors to all new Life Coaches trained by and through Bridget Burns of New Life Coach Inc. Within the scope of this arrangement, New Horizon Coaching Network is offering members of New Life Coach Inc. participation in the various weekly live teleconference groups with possibilities of actually facilitating existing and new groups as they are developed and introduced, also to gain additional leadership abilities and utilize your coaching skills and enhance your continued growth. On the other hand, New Life Coach Inc. will be advising all trained coaches to become part of the network. In addition, we are referring all persons seeking to become Life Coaches to enroll with an exceptional training organization like New Life Coach Inc. to further their desire with excellent training.
To get more information or to enroll for training, please click here
 Grief: A Healing Process
Karen Burkett
Grief: A Healing Process
Have you or someone you know lost a loved one recently? Grief involves of process toward healing and renewed hope.
Acceptance
Recovery from the death of a loved one requires being open with God and inviting Him to teach us truths that can be discovered in no other way. As a result, we can draw closer to Him and become better equipped to help others who are facing major challenges in their life.
Grief is a process of steps. Approaching the last steps in this process, many people reach a resistance stage--they resist fully accepting the death. Acceptance involves recovering from the shock of the loss and overcoming denial. ... confronting anger and channeling it approprately ... dealing with depression. Only as we face these challenges can we accept the loss and submit it to the sovereignty of God.
Acceptance brings us to the point of replacing the "Why?" question with some "What" questions: "Lord, what do you want me to learn from this loss in my life? What do you want me to do now?" He will then be able to show us how to move on to recovery.
If you are going through this painful process, it is vital for you to remember that you are not alone. Jesus is with you. I encourage you to be honest with Him--share your thoughts and feelings. He understands--and He cares.
The LORD is a refuge for the oppressed, a stronghold in times of trouble.
Those who know your name will trust in you, for you, LORD,
have never forsaken those who seek you (Psalm 9:9-10 NIV).
Forgiveness: An Important Part of Healing
Forgiveness is one of the most difficult taks to be accomplished in the process of working through grief. If we are honest with God about our hurts and disappointments, He will lead us into the freedom of forgiveness.
Sometimes it will be another person we need to forgive: the deceased for dying and leaving us, the medical personnel for not saving our loved one's life, or someone we think may have contributed to the terminal experience.
Sometimes we have to forgive ourselves for whatever is haunting us. And there may be times when we realize that we have blamed God for failure to intervene with the healing we expected.
Forgiveness is never easy. As long as we fail to release the lost person to the sovereignty of God, we are bound to them and are haunted by their memory. We are prisoners of those we fail to forgive. Forgiveness allows us to be released from the hold another person, living or dead, has on us.
Are you struggling with unforgiveness? I urge you to take these thoughts and feelings to God today. Be honest with Him, and allow Him to help you. With the help of His strength and His love, you can overcome. Only then can you move on to complete healing and a future filled with hope.
And so, Lord, where do I put my hope?
My only hope is in you (Psalm 39:7 NLT).
Our Hope is in Jesus
As we approach the end of the grieving process after losing a loved one, hope begins to build within us. Hope represents an attempt to return to normal activities. Hope is energy that motivates us to let go of the hurts of past losses and to move on to complete recovery. Hope involves both faith and confidence.
Faith in the faithfulness of God is part of the hope we have in Christ. By faith we hold on to God's promises in the Bible. I encourage you to spend time in the Bible meditating on these promises. Spend time talking to God, listening for His still small voice. As you put your trust in Him, He will help you rebuild the future and fill you with an ever-growing hope.
Confidence comes as we consistently expand our hope by exercising faith in God and His promises. As our confidence in Him matures, we have the strength to reach out confidently and do things we have not done since we were overcome by grief.
As you move through the process of grief and recovery, remember that you are never alone. Jesus is with you. He loves you and nothing can separate you from His love.
No, despite all these things, overwhelming victory is ours through
Christ, who loved us. And I am convinced that nothing can ever
separate us from his love. Death can't, and life can't. The angels
can't, and the demons can't. Our fears for today, our worries about
tomorrow, and even the powers of hell can't keep God's love away.
Whether we are high above the sky or in the deepest ocean, nothing
in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God
that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord (Romans 8:37-39 NLT).
Time to Rebuild
Recovery marks the time when a bereaved person is again oriented to time, place and person and ready to re-enter the mainstream of life. When we reach this point we adjust to the real world and become an active member of the community. It has been said that this is the time we lay aside the trappings of grief with which we have enfolded ourselves and confront the challenges of life-after-loss.
Recovery brings growth and a new lifestyle. Growth is inherent in the nature of mankind. God made each of the elements of the universe with the capacity to grow. God has made us not only with the capacity to grow, but with the will to make changes. Nowhere is this seen more clearly than in the process of moving through the stages of grief, coming out on the other side a wiser and more complete person.
Just as God is with us throughout the grieving process, He is with us as we begin to rebuild our life. If we are willing to put our trust in Him, He will fill us with hope. He will guide us and give our life meaningful purpose He has a plan for each of us, and He promises that it is a plan for good.
For I know the plans I have for you," says the LORD. "They are plans
for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope
(Jeremiah 29:11 NLT).
Moving On
Recovering from the losses of life is essential if we are going to go on with life after the loss. It is important for us to come to know who we are as a widowed person, or whatever our recovery identity may be. Reconnecting with life allows us to move into the future with peace in our hearts.
A new lifestyle emerges when we have completed the grief process and reassessed the lessons that have been learned. No one endures the death of a loved one and stays the same as before the traumatic experience.
Things will be different because our loved one is no longer with us. Things will be different because we have changed. Things will be different because life is moving on and circumstances around us are changing.
But different doesn't have to be a bad thing. Our life has been enriched by the time we had with our loved one, and now it's time to move on carrying those memories with us, to a new life.
You are important to God. And you are an important part of His plan in this world. As you trust Him, He will help you fulfill that plan. He will help you make a difference.
And always remember that no matter where you go, God is with you. Jesus will never leave you or forsake you. Nothing can separate you from His great and tender love.
For God has said, "I will never fail you. I will never forsake you." That is why
we can say with confidence, "The Lord is my helper, so I will not be afraid"
(Hebrews 13:5-6).
Take Inventory of Your Life
Karen Burkett
Take Inventory of Your Life
Taking an honest inventory of our lives can be a frightening--but helpful--experience. If you are willing to take this step on a regular basis, you will learn that honesty really is the best policy.
See Yourself as You Really Are
Business owners take regular inventory of their stock. These inventories can be a useful business planning tool. They can reveal growth or decline in business productivity and possible obstacles to growth. They can assist business owners in making changes for a better future.
Taking a regular inventory of our life can be productive, as well. It can help us answer questions about the directions our life is moving. Are we growing or declining in character development? Are we moving toward our life goals, or are there hindering obstacles? Are we growing in our relationship with God? What changes do we need to make to move ahead more effectively?
Let's take a good look at the way we're living
and reorder our lives under God (Lamentations 3:40 MSG).
I encourage you to take inventory of your life. Consider your relationships with God, your family, your church and your friends. Be honest. Ask God to help you see things as they really are and to face any inappropriate behavior without making excuses for yourself. God loves you and He wants to help you eliminate those things in your life that may be hurting you--and others. But before He can help you, you must face up to the fact that these problems exist. Remember--Jesus is with you. He will not disappoint you in your time of personal searching.
Consider Your Relationship with God
Ask yourself some hard questions like these:
Do I know God better today than I did a year ago?
Am I asking God about His plan for my life--or just forging on ahead, doing my own thing?
Am I too busy for God?
Am I persisting in some behavior that I know is displeasing to Him?
Prayerfully add some of your own questions. Write down your answers. Resist the natural tendency to make excuses or avoid some problem area. Be completely honest with yourself and with God. Remember, He knows your every thought--there's no way to hide anything from Him. The good part about that is ... He loves you anyway!
O LORD, you have searched me and you know me. You know
when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar
(Psalm 139:1-2 NIV).
You can trust Jesus to forgive your failures and give you the strength to get your life back on track. The changes might be small or large. The important thing is to always be moving in the right direction--toward God and His plan for your life.
Family Relationships
Another important area to audit is your relationship with your family. Make your own list of questions--you might want to use some like these:
Am I holding on to bitterness toward a family member who has hurt me?
How is my lifestyle affecting other family members?
Is there someone in my family in need of more of my time and attention?
Are my priorities in order?
As you consider these questions and others, ask God to help you see clearly. The Bible tells us that He knows our undertakings and thoughts even before we act or think--so be honest with Him about what you see and feel. Always remember that He loves you no matter what. He wants to help you in your family relationships ... and in every area of your life.
Ask Jesus to forgive you for past failures and to help you make right choices. Focus on Him--He will forgive you, He will guide you, and He will enable you to become the person He has called you to be.
The steps of the godly are directed by the LORD. He delights
in every detail of their lives. Though they stumble, they will not fall,
for the LORD holds them by the hand (Psalm 37:23-24 NLT).
Friends
Another important area of your life to inventory is your relationship with your friends. Make your own list of questions--you might want to use some like these:
Do I have any friends who help keep me accountable to making right choices?
Can my friends see Jesus in me?
Am I self-centered in my relationships, or do I really care about being a good friend?
Do I take offense too easily?
Am I forgiving when a friend hurts me?
Do I have any friends who are drawing me away from my walk with God?
Be honest with yourself and with God. He knows more about you than you know about yourself, so it's useless to try to hide anything from Him. Ask Him to help you evaluate this area of your life honestly and to accept responsibility for any problems you discover.
God loves you and wants only the best for you. He has a good plan for your life, but you can block that plan by making poor choices. I encourage you to choose today to do things God's way. He loves you and He will guide you and help you through every step of your journey.
Trust God from the bottom of your heart; don't try to figure out
everything on your own. Listen for God's voice in everything you
do, everywhere you go; he's the one who will keep you on track
(Proverbs 3:5-6 MSG).
Your Workplace
One area of your life to audit involves your choices in the workplace. Sometimes we tend to live by a different set of standards in our career or business. But God wants us to be guided by His principles in every area of our lives.
You will want to make your own list of questions that relate to your circumstances, but here are some to consider:
Have I been swept into a competitive mode that causes me to try to get ahead even at the expense of hurting other people?
Do I base business decisions solely on my desire to succeed, or do I first consider the integrity of my choices?
Has my work become so all-consuming that I am putting it above my focus on my family?
What kind of influence am I having on those around me?
Answering these questions honestly is the first step toward correcting any problem areas. As you confess your failures to God, He will forgive you and help you chart a better path. Jesus loves you. Only as you choose to do things His way will you find real success--the kind that lasts for an eternity.
All a man's ways seem innocent to him, but motives are weighed
by the LORD. Commit to the LORD whatever you do, and your plans
will succeed (Proverbs 16:2-3 NIV).
by the LORD. Commit to the LORD whatever you do, and your plans
will succeed (Proverbs 16:2-3 NIV).
Yours, truly,
Glyniel Garner
www.nhca-llc.com
The Wonder of Ain't
Author unknown edited by Dean Beaty 8/13/10
He was just a little boy, from Bible school's first day.
Wandering home at end of class, and dawdling on the way.
He scuffed his shoes into the grass; and found a caterpillar.
Holding up a milkweed pod, he blew out all the filler.
A bird's nest in a tree ov'rhead, so wisely placed up high.
'Twas just another wonder, that caught his eager eye.
A neighbor watched his zigzag course, and hailed him from his lawn;
He asked him where he'd been that day and what was going on.
'I have been to Bible School ,' he said and kicked some sod.
He held a wiggly worm and said, I've learned a lot 'bout God.'
'M'm, a very fine way,' the neighbor said, 'for you to spend your time.'
'If you'll tell me where God is, I'll give you a new dime.'
Quick as a flash the answer came! No way his words were faint.
'I'll give to you a dollar, sir, to tell me where God ain't.'
"No One Understands
Karen Burkett
"No One Understands ..."
People experiencing chronic depression often feel as though no one cares or understands. But there is someone who understands and wants to help.
You Are Precious to God
Most people suffering from chronic depression feel so utterly unlovable that they cannot bear the pain of even trying to experience love in a relationship with either God or man. They feel like a failure and that anyone who disagrees with that assessment just doesn't know them very well.
If you are feeling this way, I have good news for you. God knows you better than you know yourself, and He loves you. He knows you are not perfect, but He loves you unconditionally. He loves you so much that Jesus died on the cross for your sins because He wanted to provide a way that you could be with Him for eternity.
He loves you so much that He has promised to never leave you. The Bible tells us that He is full of compassion for you. He takes pleasure in you. He loves you and gives you honor. You are precious in His sight. He promises that He will love you forever.
The Bible says Jesus loves you so much that He seeks after you. You are never alone. Right this very moment, you may feel alone, but you are not. Jesus is there with you. Seeking to help you. I encourage you to say "yes." Yes to His love. Yes to His help. Yes to Jesus.
... For God has said, "I will never fail you. I will never forsake you."
That is why we can say with confidence, "The Lord is my helper,
so I will not be afraid ... (Hebrews 13:5-6 NLT).
You Are Important to God
Most people suffering from chronic depression feel as though they are worthless. They believe they are no good to anyone and that their life is meaningless.
If you are feeling this way, I have good news for you. God knows everything about you and you are important to Him--so important that He gave His only Son, Jesus, to die on the cross for your sin.
But God showed his great love for us by sending Christ to die
for us while we were still sinners (Romans 5:8 NLT).
The Bible tells us that you are so important to God that He is concerned about you. He knows you by name and He fights for you. He cares so much that He carries you as a father carries his child. He even guards you as the apple of His eye.
Your life is meaningful because God chose to give birth to you. He says in His Word that He has a plan for you, and that it is a plan for good. He promises that as you trust Him He will give you His power to do more than you can ask.
For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD,
"plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give
you hope and a future (Jeremiah 29:11 NIV).
I encourage you to ask Jesus to help you focus on Him and His love. Ask Him to help you focus on the truth in His Word instead of being controlled by your feelings. Thank Him for loving you enough to give you birth and for making a good plan for your life. Ask Him to show you His purpose for your journey and to help you accomplish it. With Him you can do all things.
... Help me to accomplish the purpose of my journey
(Genesis 24:12 NLT).
Jesus Knows You ...
and He Loves You
Do you sometimes feel as though you are fighting your way through life and losing the battle? That you are such a failure that no one can help you?
We've all had these feelings at times. And if you suffer from chronic depression you might feel alone and hopeless most of the time. When well-meaning people try to cheer you up by pointing out your good qualities, you may hear what they are saying as either false praise or else as words of one who doesn't really know you that well.
There is someone who knows you better than you know yourself. Someone who wants to give you hope and help you win the battle. His name is Jesus.
Jesus promises you peace. He intercedes to God the Father for you. He promises to work all things for your good. He rides on the heavens to help you.
You may say, "Those promises sound good for someone else, but they couldn't be for me. I don't deserve them. You don't know me."
No, I don't know you, but Jesus does. And He loves you. If no one else had existed, He would have died on the cross for just you. He loves you that much. None of us deserve that kind of love, but Jesus gives it freely and unconditionally.
Let Him love you. Open your heart to the hope and healing that only come from Him.
May you experience the love of Christ, though it is so great
you will never fully understand it. Then you will be filled with
the fullness of life and power that comes from God
(Ephesians 3:19 NLT).
You Are Never Alone
Have you ever stood in the middle of a crowded room and yet felt alone? We've all experienced loneliness. People with chronic depression feel as though they are alone most of the time. They often feel that no one cares or understands ... as though even God is distant and unavailable.
If you are feeling alone, I urge you to look in the Bible for the truth. You may feel alone, but the truth is that God is always with you.
Here are just a few of God's promises: I am with you ... I walk with you ... I am near you ... I hold your right hand ... I carry you even into old age.
The LORD is there to rescue all who are discouraged
and have given up hope (Psalm 34:18 CEV).
I encourage you to read these scriptures and others like them. Write your favorites down and put them where you see them all the time. Speak them out loud. Substitute your name for the word you. God says I am with (your name) ... I walk with (your name) ... I am near (your name).
God is speaking these promises to you personally. Ask Him to help you believe His promises more than you believe your feelings. Remember ... you are never alone. Jesus is with you. He's with you this moment. He'll be with you tonight ... and tomorrow. He'll be with you through the good times and bad. He will never leave you.
Feelings ... or Truth?
Feelings are powerful. Our actions are often controlled by them. And yet, many times feelings don't match up with the truth as revealed in the Bible.
Our feelings may tell us that no one cares about us. The Bible says that God does. The truth is that God intends good for us. He cares for us and surrounds us with favor. He listens to our cry for help. He loves us unconditionally.
Give all your worries and cares to God, for he cares
about what happens to you (1 Peter 5:7 NLT).
Our feelings may tell us that no one can help us. The Bible says that God is our deliverer. He rides on the heavens to help us. He rescues us. He listens to our cry for help. He is our refuge.
For he has not ignored the suffering of the needy. He
has not turned and walked away. He has listened to
their cries for help (Psalm 22:24 NLT).
Our feelings may tell us to give up, that there is no hope. The Bible says that God is our hope. That He is our shelter and strength. He will hear our cry and save us. With Him all things are possible. We are more than conquerors through Jesus.
I wait for you, O LORD; you will answer, O Lord
my God (Psalm 38:15 NIV).
Are you being plagued by feelings of despair, or inferiority, or loneliness? ... I encourage you to search the Bible for truth. The truth of God's love for you. The truth of His plans for you. The truth of His promises to you. And then ask Him to help you believe the truth more than your feelings. The truth will set you free.
"Then you will know the truth, and the truth
will set you free" (John 8:32 NIV).
Glyniel Garner
http://newhorizoncoaching.grouply.com
Breaking Down the Wall ... Brick by Brick
Karen Burkett
Talking with a friend or loved one with a life-controlling problem can be like talking to a brick wall. But that wall can be broken down ... brick by brick.
Learn to Confront
Does someone you care about have a life-controlling problem? When you try to talk to him or her, do your words seem to bounce back at you, as though they've hit a brick wall?
Picture a person enclosed behind a brck wall, becoming trapped, but continuing to lay brick, building the wall higher and higher. In his mind, each brick is a way to defend himself--but in reality, the wall is trapping him, not defending him. Denial has led this loved one to blindness to his real condition.
So what can you do? Learn to confront your loved one in love--not in anger--in order to help him tear down his wall of defenses, brick by brick, until he is able to see himself as he really is.
Love should always make us tell the truth. Then we will grow
in every way and be more like Christ. (Ephesians 4:15 CEV).
David Augsburger in his book, Caring Enough to Confront, uses the term "care-fronting." This is a communication technique that combines love and caring with confrontation. Caring confrontation can chip away, bit by bit, at the wall of delusion that hides the reality of the downward spiral of your love one's life-controlling problems. When you are able to get rid of anger and replace it with caring, confronting your love one with the truth can actually be the most loving thing you can do.
Focus on the Action, Not the Actor
Caring confrontation of a loved one with a life-controlling problem is an effective way to help them see themselves as they really are. It will help you chip away, bit by bit, at the wall of delusion that prevents them from seeing the reality of the downward spiral of their destructive behavior.
One important element in this kind of confrontation is to focus on the action, not on the actor. Be careful not to criticize or label your loved one as "bad." Instead, focus on the behaviors that are causing the problem. When he or she tries to use a defense like rationalizing or anger or denial, always bring the discussion back to the behaviors. Your emphasis should be on what your loved one does, rather than any sort of personal attack.
You should also be careful to focus on observations and facts instead of what you think or imagine. Make statements about what you have actually seen and heard and not on any conclusions you personally have drawn.
I encourage you to pray before confronting your loved one. Ask God to prepare both of you. With His help, you can do this. With His guidance, you can help your loved one tear down the wall of delusion and begin a path to healing and restoration.
And we can be confident that he will listen to us whenever we ask
him for anything in line with his will. And if we know he is listening
when we make our requests, we can be sure that he will give us
what we ask for (1 John 5:14-15 NLT).
Focus on Descriptions, Not Judgments
Another important element in caring confrontation is to focus on descriptions, not on judgments. Your role is not to judge your loved one's behaviors as good or bad--the facts speak for themselves. Keep the lines of communication open by never placing a value judgment on their behavior. By giving descriptions rather than judgments, you put yourself in a neutral role of reporting on what has been seen rather than judging that behavior as right or wrong.
Effective communication will gradually lessen your loved one's defense mechanisms and allow them to hear the truth in a caring way. In other words, you will be helping them tear down a wall of defenses, brick by brick, until they are able to see themselves as they really are.
Be gracious in your speech. The goal is to bring out the best in
others in a conversation, not put them down, not cut them out
(Colossians 4:6 MSG).
In all of your efforts to help your loved one, your clear line of communication with God remains the most important. Turn to Him for guidance and strength. And ask Him to lead your loved one into repentance and forgiveness ... and the new start that only God can make possible.
Focus on Ideas, Not Advice
As you begin to confront your loved one, try to focus on ideas, information and alternatives--not on advice or answers. Be careful not to use scare tactics, give pat answers, or even offer specific advice. Your loved one may resent your insistence on giving help or answers. If they do seek your help, point out their options, which may include getting professional help, joining a support group, getting pastoral guidance, and other alternatives.
When you provide information and alternatives, your loved one can feel free to choose a personal course of action rather than coming to depend on you. It is vital that they take this step.
Trust God for His help and direction. He loves you ... and He loves this person you care about. Ask Him to help both of you see things as they really are and make right choices. Always remember, you are not alone. And with God, all things are possible.
I know the LORD is always with me. I will not be shaken,
for he is right beside me (Psalm 16:8 NLT).
Focus on What and How, Not Why
You can't fix your loved one's problem, but you can help them by confronting them in love, helping them tear down their wall of defenses, brick by brick, until they are able to see themselves as they really are. Only then will they be able to move ahead toward recovery.
Another element of effective caring confrontation is to focus on what and how, not on why. The why question only serves to raise a person's defenses and makes it more difficult to penetrate their state of delusion. Instead, talk about observable behaviors that can be described by such words as what, how, when or where. Why may break the communication because it questions their motives. Yes, their motives may be wrong, but their delusion can best be penetrated if you present the facts in a non-threatening way.
God is with you both. Trust Him for boldness, for wisdom and for strength. He loves you ... and with Him, all things are possible.
Show me your ways, O LORD, teach me your paths; guide me
in your truth and teach me, for you are God my Savior, and my
hope is in you all day long (Psalm 25:4-5 NIV).
Glyniel Garner
www.newhorizoncoaching.grouply.com
www.nhca-llc.com
 Medical Transcriptionists
Job Description: Currently accepting resumes from Medical Transcriptionists who have at least 3 years transcription experience. Will transcribe digital dictation from the company's various healthcare providers.
Location: Accepting resumes from applicants within the continental United States only
Contact: See details at the following web address: http://thetranscriptioncenter.com/contactus.html
Comments: About company: http://thetranscriptioncenter.com/
Glyniel Garner
New Horizon Coaching Associates
P.O. Box Box 5174
Ocala, FL 34478
206 426-6822
352 426-2255
www.nhca-llc.com
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Salary Wage:
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http://www.agentbuilderinc.com
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